At this point in the season, the playoff picture really takes shape. Let’s take a look at some of the teams and narratives in an odd year where it’s still unclear how many playoff teams we’ll have.
AFC East
The biggest change this season was obviously always going to be how the Patriots dealt with Tom Brady’s departure. Unfortunately for the Pats and their fans and fortunately for the rest of America, the Bills and Dolphins just got their shit together enough to make even a still quality Pats team mostly irrelevant this year. The Pats have a chance I guess at 5-6, but they still have games against the Rams, Dolphins and Bills left, which they’d have to win at least two of to stand a chance of just getting into the playoffs. Beating the Cardinals is not a small feat and I figured that was a loss. If they sneak into the playoffs, I will go ballistic, but I assume someone will put them down easy in a cold, away playoff game, hopefully in Baltimore. I’m amazed it took the AFC East this long to pose any sort of challenge to the Pats.
Part of the emergence of the Bills has been Josh Allen, still a dark horse candidate for MVP, who figured out something few college quarterbacks coming to the NFL have, accuracy. Somehow when everyone made fun of the Bills for drafting Allen, the very raw prospect from a small school, seventh overall. We’ve seen a lot of these guys out of college over the years (I remember a hint of a notion that Logan Thomas would go second overall in the weak QB draft of 2013) with elite arm talent who could throw a football through the side of a barn on one of the few attempts they actually hit the barn. He’s the main reason that the Bills look quite good at times this year and are in the driver’s seat for this division, especially with Miami’s loss to the hapless Broncos. With a strong defensive performance this week against the surging offense of the Chargers, the Bills might just have enough to at least win a game in the competitive AFC playoffs.
Miami on the other hand, seemed to be darlings to challenge Buffalo for this division based on decent play winning against the feisty Chargers and burgeoning Cards. After the Broncos loss, it looks like Miami will be fighting in that rugby scrum of Wild Card chances. They rebounded this week of course playing the fourth (non-NFL) team in this division. It counts as a win I suppose and keeps them firmly in the Wild Card race. Tua Tagovoila looks like a rookie at times and brilliant at others. He didn’t play Sunday due to an injury that seems to be a convenient excuse to see some late season Fitzmagic that we all desperately need in 2020.
Other than that, there aren’t any other NFL teams in this division. It’s finally nice to not have to watch Mike Tannenbaum sabotage each team in the division and have some actual competition again.
AFC North
I hate the AFC North, so much so that I wish my favorite team, the Ravens would move to the AFC East, with the Dolphins moving to the AFC South and the Colts can join the Rust Belt Ohio crew in the North. I’d get the Pats rivalry I always wanted and I don’t have to do the will they won’t with the Browns and Bengals each year. Those teams from football hotbed Ohio should have a fierce rivalry, but self-immolating their quarterback has been the only competitive venture they’ve had against each other, ruining QB careers for decades now. Stuck with an increasingly suspect coach, the Bengals knew they’d struggle for wins this year regardless of how Joe Burrow played. Fortunately for us viewers, he’s awesome and the Bengals are watchable for the first time since 2015 when Andy Dalton made an MVP push before of course getting injured. Last week, the Bengals season of watchability ended as that destructive DCer defensive line accidently Theismanned (Taylored?) Joe Burrow’s leg. I hate watching shit like that, so I only caught a glimpse. He might be back by the start of next year, but I’m not optimistic at this point, feeling some Carson Palmer 2.0 vibes.
Other than that moribund franchise, this division is again one of the most competitive this year due to the Browns seemingly finding competent leadership, a Steelers team who anyone who paid attention last year knew could be this good and the Ravens who are still in the hunt for the playoffs despite probably having to forfeit a game this week due to COVID. The Browns actually have one more win than the Ravens at this point at 7-3 and I can’t say I’m shocked. Watching the Ravens last year, you had to know teams would adjust to Lamar despite the efficiency of the offense that combined college aspects with pro principles. It wasn’t a gimmick RGIII offense they ran, but combine tape watching by opponents, injuries to Ronnie Stanley, Nick Boyle, the retirement of Marshall Yanda and COVID, I’m surprised the Ravens are looking at 6-6 this week if Lamar can’t play again. It’s fucking insane. I’ve said it for weeks, this offense doesn’t look right and with other competition in the AFC this year, it’s going to be hard for them to make the playoffs.
Fortunately for the Steelers, they seem to have sapped the Raven’s good luck from last year with Ben Roethlisberger back and while diminished, the annual offensive talent this team along with probably the most talented and consistent defense has them at 11-0, gunning for the only bye, afforded now to the #1 seed only. It’s fucking stupid winner take all crap they have now with expanding the playoffs, especially since it really should be seeded regardless of conference. Either way, the Steelers will be happy, let’s just hope they didn’t peak too early, well at least I will.
After that, I guess we can talk about the Browns; not much to say though. They have the best running attack in the game with two quality starters in Kareem Hunt and Nick Chubb. They revamped their offensive line. Myles Garrett is a DPOY candidate and their defense overall got better. Baker isn’t killing them, though he isn’t really taking them to new heights either. This team is just built well, well coached, occasionally shits the bed against divisional opponents and as of right now are in the real playoffs (not the weird seeds they made up this year) as the 5th seed. Ironically, they’re quite similar to their coach Kevin Stefanski’s former team, the Vikings. With a few somewhat quality seasons recently, defined by a strong running game and a talented defense, the Browns sapped the Viks mojo with Stefanski and are riding not high, but competently.
AFC West
Is there anything appropriate to say about the Chiefs? They’re clearly the best team in the NFL and the AFC West, despite close games with the Chargers and a loss to the Raiders. Mahomes will capture the MVP unless Russell Wilson or Kyler Murray light the world on fire these next few weeks and the team just doesn’t have holes that Mahomes can’t fill. Last week in their second tie with the Raiders this season, it was inevitable that they’d score to put the game out of reach despite little time left. It turns out that Andy Reid probably schemed McNabb his entire career and Mahomes can cover up any clock management mishaps, now only ghostly wisps in our memories.
The team challenging them for competence this year, the Raiders have put together one of the most efficient, solid offenses in the entire league, one that handed the Saints one of their only two losses as they look to grab the NFC #1 seed. Gruden built this team on the run game, where Josh Jacobs and the rebuilt line control the clock and Derek Carr efficiently passes when necessary. This team can be suffocating at times with how methodical they are on offense. Without an offseason, it made sense for Gruden to give the keys to Jacobs instead of Carr, but as the season wanes, it’s clear Carr stepped up to try and win games. Last Sunday in a relative shootout with the Chiefs, it was Carr who kept the team’s pace with the Chiefs and put them ahead with little time left. It was also Carr who turned the ball over repeastedly on a dead man walking Falcons team most recently soo…who the fuck knows with this team.
The surprise team this year, the Chargers aren’t going to the playoffs, though not for a lack of trying as this team could probably be 11-0 instead of 3-8 had they clearly not been cursed by some shaman in San Diego for moving to LA a few years ago. With a bizarre injury to Tyrod Taylor, inflicted by Hollywood Mengele, Justin Herbert took over and promptly wrapped up the offensive rookie of the year award with breathtaking displays of athleticism, arm strength, accuracy and grasp of NFL defenses. He looked out of depth at times in college, with a lack of enthusiasm that probably caused him to drop in the draft. His demeanor of being soft spoken was just a front for his quiet confidence and poise as he’s taken the NFL by storm, almost outdueling Mahomes, Brady, Brees and Bridgewater in his first four games. Yes, Bridgewater. Despite his play, this team just can’t close any games and also can’t stay healthy with Austin Ekeler out, Derwin James injured and other knick knack crap that always seems to plague the Chargers. Maybe Herbert can break this Chargers curse starting next year, but for now, we can just enjoy an exciting, popcorn worthy rookie, who looks so young, he probably makes other rookies feel old.
Unfortunately we also have to talk about the Broncos in this division who are somehow 4-7 and are just the most abysmal team to watch this year. Despite a strong draft that brought in offensive talent, Drew Lock struggles with almost every aspect of playing quarterback. He doesn’t have it and even with the offensive talent around him, a sneaky good defense and what appears to be a knowledgeable coach, it’s just not happening for Lock and this team. They really need to stop winning games so they can draft Trey Lance or Zach Wilson. Wilson especially with the talent here could light this freaking team up with dizzying excitement, so again, they should start losing more, just give up and regroup for next year.
AFC South
As a former Titans fan, I’m intimately familiar with the inconsistency of this division especially after Peyton Manning left. The Jaguars started off well with a win over the increasingly annoying good Colts team that looks bereft of any spice on offense. Now, with that sole win in week 1, the Jags have emerged as favorites for Justin Fields, since I doubt the Jets make any sort of attempt to win a game this year. Jacksonville may have lost their season in Week 1, though with a reasonable infrastructure that resembles an NFL team (unlike the Jets) and offensive talent like D.J. Chark, Laviska Sheanult and James Robinson, the proof of the rule to not pay running backs, some unlucky bastard in college will at least have a chance with this team.
The Jags’ partner in loserdom this year, the Texans, were dismantled by their coach/GM drunk with power who traded away probably the best all-around receiver in the offseason for a washed up running back along a second and fourth round pick. It worked out as poorly as expected and the Texans were abysmal through 4 games, resulting in Bill O’Brien’s firing. Deshaun Watson does about all he can with a moribund group that includes perpetual trade piece Brandin Cooks, washed up Randall Cobb, also perpetual trade bait Kenny Stills who just got released and the oft injured (and now suspended), though talented Will Fuller (what on earth does his free agency market look like), oh and David Johnson. With no potent run game, a shaky defense and a somehow still blase offensive line, the team sits at 4-7. Hopefully, with Joe Burrow going down and Andrew Luck’s retirement, the Texans fucking learn something and unlock the true wonders of Watson.
Those Colts though, despite their Luck blunder, which can largely be blamed on former GM Ryan Grigson, rebuilt quickly with a great coach in Frank Reich and star GM Chris Ballard, who better late than never put together a line in front of the now aged Philip Rivers. Somehow this team keeps winning drag out, super boring games, just flogging teams with their mediocrity and shutting them down on defense. They mounted an impressive comeback against the Packers last week and currently lead the competitive division over the Titans. I’m still outraged by the lack of use of Nyheim Hines, their most dynamic player, who when fed this year produces splashy, dazzling skills. The rest of their offense is fine, but Rivers looks old again this year and doesn’t have much left. I seriously think Hines could be an Alvin Kamara type for this team despite his weakness running between the tackles. Either way, at 7-4, this team will either win the division, battling the Titans or get a wild card spot. I just can’t even watch them and will happily skip the 4:30 Saturday Raiders/Colts showdown in Week 1 of the playoffs.
Right there with the Colts are the wildly inconsistent Titans, who haven’t exactly let down since their magical run to the AFC Championship last, but still aren’t exactly a team anyone sees going that far again. They lost to the Bengals. Not sure what else there is to say. Derrick Henry is still humming like always, leading the NFL in rushing, and the receivers, along with tight end Jonnu Smith form one of the better receiving corps in the league. Ryan Tannehill is fine, so I’m not sure why this team plays so underwhelming at times. They had this year’s biggest COVID party, reshaping the entire schedule with their violations so that could mean something down the line again, who knows. The likely answer is the defense, which is outright terrible this year, somewhat owed to the musical chair playcalling between coach Mike Vrabel and his defensive staff. Still, even with this recent success, no one really cares what this team does. If they win the Super Bowl in an empty stadium this year it would be the perfect Titans season, one filled with an old school run game, a reclamation project for the ages at quarterback, exciting young receivers and absolutely no one outside Nashville giving a shit.
NFC East
With the AFC taking the belt as the better conference over the past season or so, the NFC took a nosedive this year, not more prominently exemplified than by the NFC East. I spent my youth watching the NFC East, growing up in the Baltimore DC market. With an always disappointing Redskins team, the Giants and Eagles at least gave viewers stuck with this moribund division some actual exciting “football” . This year, each team plays like a bunch of over tired four year olds having a slap fight. They’re old enough to have some grasp of their own feelings, but minimal physical control of themselves and no regard for other human beings. The king of these toddlers, the Eagles, a supposedly well put together team, great front office, good coach and reasonable talent, haven’t remotely attempted to shake off their injury woes, fighting through the monsoon of casualties to some sort of game plan. Their star quarterback, who I remind everyone, they owe a lot of money to, took every injury to heart and completely forgot how to play football. It could be the injuries all over the offense line (along he’s not getting pressured that much) or the lack of receivers available, but maybe that second round pick Jalen Hurts, who unlike Wentz came from big schools as a sought after recruit, is putting pressure on Wentz who’s crumbling under it. He holds onto the ball too long, doesn’t move in the pocket like he used to, can’t do his min-Aaron Rodgers improvisational impression and generally looks befuddled. With his poor play, the Eagles still were atop the division until the DCers won their 4th game of the season to now LEAD THE DIVISION at 4-7. My bet is that the Eagles really suffered from the COVID offseason, something I believe will emerge as a valid reason or just excuse for some of the underperforming teams. With wide ranging COVID guidelines from state to state during the offseason, it should be worth analyzing the ratio of team success this year to the stringency of COVID restrictions. The Eagles should pray they come out on top for whatever wins above/below COVID stat that emerges next year.
Those division leaders at 4-7, the Washington Football Team, or DCers as I like, somehow look like a real franchise at times, even with one of the more tumultuous PR offseasons in recent memory. They no longer are the Redskins because social change during 2020 demanded shit like that end and their owner, long target of almost everyone familiar with the NFL, faced a litany of bad news about behavior in his comically poorly run organization. From sexual harassment to just regular harassment, the organization seems top to bottom broken, though anyone paying attention has known this since at least 2005. On the field, the team boasts a really talented defense, an ode to their string of high draft picks, quietly one of the league’s best units. Tragically, their offense despite it’s usual glut of non-QB talent, is hell bent on inciting quarterback leg trauma. With Alex Smith getting his leg bent in half a couple years ago, he finally returned to the field this year after first backup Kyle Allen had his ankled Gordon Heywarded. Smith’s well documented recovery rings as a wonderful story, if his offensive line wasn’t bad and didn’t constantly beg viewers for their feelings on torture porn. Dwayne Haskins, their first round pick from last year, quickly fell out of favor due to good awful play, just as I predicted when the team took him in the first round in 2018. A guy like Haskins, with decent talent all around, but a seemingly poor attitude, needed a good franchise and unfortunately got the worst. If they somehow win this division, with all the malignant fanfare this season, it will stand as a failure of schadenfreude for all us towards Dan Snyder who at least I hope actually cries when they miss the playoffs.
The Giants are on their third coach since Tom Coughlin retired like 6 years ago and have proven clearly to be an organization ripe with dumb luck. Their decision making since Coughlin left, doesn’t seem to be anywhere close to relevant to what the NFL is now. The past couple of years Dave Gettelman drafted Daniel Jones, 6th overall and took Saquon Barkley second overall. Jones, despite some reasonable looks last year, regressed considerably, owning an odious stat line of 21 for 23 in games with a turnover before likely sustaining a season ending injury. Damn shame since they’re really in the hunt at 4-7; no really, that’s real, not a joke in the NFC East. Barkley got injured very early in the season, but with free agent Devonta Freeman, an underrated receiver corps and half decent defense, this team could be better. To be fair in this division, they’re still a playoff contender at 4-7, just a game out of first place. It’s possible this division finally gives us such a poop tornado that the NFL finally does conference seeding for the playoffs.
Finally, the Cowboys like all the other three teams have barely played what we call football this year. Through the four games Dak Prescott completed this year, Dallas won once on a miracle onside kick. In the fifth game, his ankle went sideways and while the Boys won that game, they’ve only won one since. Fortunately, given how bad they are we finally since the early 2000s don’t have to talk about this team that much in the media. Since I started watching football they’ve never been good, save for a few Tony Romo seasons. This year, despite an array of offensive talent, they couldn’t get anything together with Dak and their backup, supposedly a good one, Andy Dalton dealt with injuries and poor play. The age of the incredible offensive line that dominated earlier this decade is a shell of itself and can’t seem to even properly run block to create space for Ezekiel Elliot. More importantly, their defense is comically bad with long time defensive coordinator and line coach Rod Marinelli departing, clearly absconding with the key that made this team competent on defense. Marinelli left after the head coaching change to Mike McCarthy, stealing any sort of competence from the defensive personnel. They’re not going to fire McCarthy after one year and Dak’s injury can be blamed for many of the problems of this team. It’s not like McCarthy would win a lot those couple of seasons where Aaron Rodgers missed time in Green Bay so assuming Dak is healthy early next season, maybe with Andy Dalton spotting some early starts with an entire offseason under his belt, this team could be exciting again. It took so long for Jerry to finally pull the plug on Jason Garrett so that in and of itself is a win for this franchise. Even in this division, it’s unlikely they’ll make the playoffs at 3-8 (also last place in the NFC), they should keep losing and get a high draft pick.
NFC South
The NFC South, annually one of the entire NFL’s best divisions, hasn’t disappointed this season. For a time, throughout the 2000s a different team would win the division each year which continued until the Panthers reeled off a string of strong seasons and more recently the Saints doing the same. Of course, nothing compares from a narrative standpoint to Tom Brady joining the Buccaneers offensive juggernaut. We’ve seen it so many times with Favre on the Jets, Manning on the Broncos, Montana on the Chiefs, all with varying degrees of success. The Bucs have dealt with a lot of injuries to their offensive talent this year, but a good line has kept Brady upright, other than when he’s scared to get hit and generally been better than I at least expected. They’ve still underwhelmed at times, especially the shellacking they took against the Saints a few weeks ago, losing 38-3. Their defense looks dominant at times with emerging linebacker Devin White, a young talented secondary and a patchwork defensive line that was playing better before a season injury to the young Vita Vea. With Brady finally playing in a competitive division, the Bucs project as a wild card team with the Saints closing on the division and the #1 seed in the NFC. I don’t think they’re going anywhere in the playoffs, but obviously with the GOAT still playing well, we can’t rule out that serpent.
The hapless Falcons haven’t been able to overcome their recent issues and clear trauma from giving up a giant lead in the Super Bowl. They finally fired Dan Quinn, the almost Super Bowl winning coach, after starting 0-4, behind inconsistent offensive play despite talent. It’s always telling when a defensive head coach can’t get his defense to play better, even with limited talent. The Falcons can’t seem to hit on draft picks, with recent 1st rounder Takk McKinley getting released, the more recent Vic Beasley failure, and a slew of later picks that aren’t playing well. That combined with Dan Quinn’s constant 1,000 yard stare, leftover from the Super Bowl loss, left this team struggling to keep up as Matt Ryan and Julio Jones age and free agent Todd Gurley hasn’t kept up his early season production. The offense keeps them in games but Ryan isn’t going to win them games at this point in his career. With so many quarterbacks expected to be around this year in the draft, it might be time for a new GM (Thomas Dimitroff was fired after 13 or so years) to rebuild this team around a new quarterback.
Another team with massive turnover this year, the Panthers have kept pace this year despite having a young team with a former college coach Matt Rhule and the loss of their Cam Newton centric identity. This team enjoyed one of it’s greatest runs of success under Newton and former coach Ron Rivera, but mounting Newton injuries and a stale organizational structure, under a new team owner led to the turnover. Christian McCaffrey has been injured a lot, unfortunately allowing for the Mike Davis showcase, further begging the question of whether running backs can be paid, even when they factor into the passing game as much as McCaffrey. Davis has shined for the Panthers in McCaffrey’s absence and Teddy’s done just enough to make this team competitive. They hopefully will make a decent push for a good record to help establish Matt Rhule’s culture. At 4-8 now, they’re playing for organizational pride, but each week they’re putting a quality team out there that’s youthful and improving. Teddy isn’t the long term answer at quarterback so they need to figure out how they’re going to play the months up to the draft because with a lot of QB talent this year, they can’t afford to lose another year in this division.
I really dislike Taysom Hill. It’s mostly because Alvin Kamara’s fantasy production took a nosedive with Hill’s first two starts at the helm for the now, 9-2, NFC leading Saints. Just like last year, Drew Brees sustained a heavy injury that will keep him out for a few games, leading Sean Payton to spurn football viewers of our Jameis Winston infatuation for a 31 year old tight end who played QB in college and has been running bit plays every now and then for the Saints over the past four years. With Brees at the helm, the Saints started slow like always, somehow making it through a decently tough schedule without Michael Thomas most of the season. Brees, while still conservative on offense, looking very old at times, still makes names out of receivers and tight ends, just like he always has. Who is Marquez Callaway? Does he exist outside my TV set when Saints games aren’t on? Even with Brees’ dropoff, the defense is finally fully utilizing their talent efficiently, outright blanking teams in the past couple of weeks. To be fair, the team they just played didn’t have a quarterback, but that team still had a plan and played really well on defense; it’s just hard starting a practice squad wide receiver at quarterback. Cam Jordan, Trey Hendrickson, Demario Davis and a slew of secondary players remind me of that 2009 team with Darren Sharper, Roman Harper, Will Smith, Jon Vilma and others that did just enough to help the Saints win the Super Bowl. This defense is deeper and takes advantage of opportunities just the 2009 team did, entrepreneurial enough to keep the offense in tough games. This team does blank teams, just like they did to the highish flying Bucs team to the tune of 3 points and the always competent Falcons to 9 points. It’s Super Bowl or bust this year for this team, likely Brees last. We’re also seeing the veil of what this team could look like if Taysom Hill continues his blackmail of Sean Payton, I’m kidding, he seems okay, like Mormon Lamar. If the Saints really want to move on from Brees, Hill needs to finish out the season while Brees gets healthy. Then maybe they’ll know how desperate they’ll be for a quarterback next year.
NFC North
Every year I hear about two or three sometimes four teams from the NFC North that will be playoff contenders. This year was no different with Matthew Stafford getting some MVP buzz, the Vikings coming off a strong playoff win against the Saints, the Bears getting a Super Bowl MVP for a quarterback and the Packers maybe even regressing having spent their first round pick on a project of quarterback. Instead, pretty much every team except the Packers sucks. Despite some odd games and weird losses, the Packers remain atop the division at 8-3, just crushing coach Matt Lafleur’s win loss record. Aaron Rodgers has played like an MVP at times this year, clearly bolstered rather than threatened by the presence of first round pick Jordan Love, who could honestly get the Josh Rosen treatment after this year, given how Rodgers has looked. The Packers still don’t have a reasonably competent defense, but with Rodgers still making the plays that made him great, along with stud receiver DeVante Adams and an adequate running game, the Pack lead this division of losers and given their schedule could likely go 13-3 for a second year in a row. Tough losses during the year to Tampa Bay, Minnesota and Indianapolis revealed holes in their game, but it’s nothing everyone didn’t notice last year as they made their way to the NFC Championship game. They’re not winning the Super Bowl unless Rodgers goes Drogon on King’s Landing in the playoffs, a fictional event he may or may not have even been present for himself, so maybe it’s entirely irrelevant to consider them a top team in the league as they have been since Mike McCarthy was fired two years ago. Either way, given all that went on internally and externally this offseason, they’ve quietly put together one of best campaigns of the season. Also, they’re fortunate to play in the NFC North.
I hate the Vikings, not sure why since they mostly suck or are one of the best teams in the NFL, depends on the year. I’m tired of trying to figure it out. We as humans don’t mind the truth, it’s our energy leading up to it that drives us crazy. Look at 2020, the government basically told us aliens are real and now that we know, it’s all we needed. We moved on, quickly I might add to more pressing matters, even though the matter of UFOs and aliens redefines every single aspect about ourselves, our history and the entire world we live in today. I just want the truth from the Vikings; I’ve gone my entire life with “will they or won’t they.” They’re the J.D. and Elliot of the NFL when it comes to being viewed as a competent franchise, especially since they’ve never fully embraced outright being terrible enough to draft a quarterback in the top five. This year is no different, especially as they came back on Sunday in somewhat dazzling fashion against the eminently competent Panthers, overcoming the most bizarre two plays in NFL history where Jeremy Chinn of the Panthers returned two fumble recoveries for touchdowns on consecutive plays. I’m seriously curious what the live bet activity looked like after that second touchdown. I’m also sad for whoever knows the right answer to that, just like I am for Vikings fans, because this year like any other, they’ve shown signs with a dominant run game by Dalvin Cook, who flashes for a few games before inevitably getting injured. He might be the Christian Pulisic of the NFL. Looks like the best player at his position for two to three games before forgetting to stretch and pulling something, literally anything in his leg. Right now, with eight teams from each conference, the Viks are actually in pole position in the NFC to make the playoffs. With games against the Bears, Jags and Lions, it’s conceivable that 8-8 is in play and may be enough for the playoffs. So enjoy being stuck in the middle of a lie Vikings fan, because again, like every year of my life, we don’t really know if your team is good or not.
I’m going to be honest, I haven’t sat down to watch a second of Bears football this year despite them having an absurd slate of primetime games. To me those are free nights, I don’t have to watch football. It’s a bad sign, especially as I felt that when they started 5-2 through some fluky shit that included a last minute win against the cursed Falcons. The Bears have one of the most dreadful offenses, that looks closer to their game when the NFL started 100 years ago, than a modern NFL offense. Barely completed passes, stagnant run game, bewildered Allen Robinson, yes he was there in 1920, looking frustrated then. Nick Foles, their big trade acquisition, who lost his starting job in Jacksonville (embarrassing enough) to a guy who’s name is a profession, not a name, hasn’t played well after spelling all time draft failure Mitch Trubisky. Mitch stands as failure, maybe more than Ryan Leaf or JaMarcus Russell because the Bears traded up for him in a draft that featured quarterback Jesus Patrick Mahomes and maybe like Saint John, Deshaun Watson. It’s heartbreaking for Bears fans, just like the five game losing streak the Bears have been on since starting 5-2. In this weird year with potentially eight playoff teams, the Bears are actually still in the hunt at 5-6, but right there with them are the 49ers who’ve earned every fucking win this year like the well run organization they are, even as they’ve dealt with significant injuries to absolutely everyone. They just beat the division leading Rams with Nick Mullins at quarterback. It’s all to say that if the Bears make the playoffs and the Niners don’t, I will know once and for all there is no god.
Finally, the Lions, who just fired their coach and GM. Their coach was always a curious hire (be suspicious when Bill Belichick happily let’s you go on interviews) with an accolade of presiding over some of the worst Patriot defensive units during the Belichick era. Matt Patricia tried his best to make the Lions into a Patriot way organization, but without any sort of leg to stand on, those efforts only reinforced to the players the lack of well drawn up, thought out game plans. Patricia’s defenses have been abhorrent, prompting players to outwardly proclaim their joy at his firing, including those who aren’t even on the team anymore. I don’t know maybe it’s easier that way. The Lions are 4-7, actually somehow still in this dreadful NFC wildcard bukkake shitstorm of race for the potential eight seed. Stafford finally looks a little old even though he’s still always younger than you think he is (32) and with an offense that’s lacked any sort of creativity, it’s no wonder they didn’t stand a chance in this tough division. Despite Stafford’s obvious talent, he’s never gotten the proper organizational structure to make any sort of run with this team; even something like Matt Ryan did. I really hope he gets a nice purgatory next year with the Colts or somewhere like that where he can finally realize his potential. Patricia and Bob Quinn, the GM who was just fired, lasted so long because the Lions owners, who clearly know nothing about football, are oddly patient, except with Jim Caldwell. For a team with an 0-16 on the books, it might have been prudent to not get ahead of themselves and fire their most successful coach since the 90s. That poorly timed commitment vs. non-comittment will land them right back to where they’ve always been, the oldest franchise never to make a Super Bowl. I’m 31 and seriously worried I’ll die before this team manages to pull down its pants before starting to piss.
NFC West
Oh the NFC West, where wonder and excitement abound with Kyler Murray and Russell Wilson showing us all how far the quarterback position has come and where Jared Goff reminds us of the importance of competent scouting. This division as in years part has been wildly competitive this year as the Niners with all their injuries are still in the mix for the playoffs, despite playing a guy at running back named Hasty, a nod to how quickly they had to put a roster together after injuries and positive COVID tests. With Jimmy G at the helm for the few weeks he was healthy, the Niners were a playoff team with dreams of returning to last years’ promised land. An early injury to star defensive end Nick Bosa was just the start of doom for this team. Over the next few weeks, they lost Raheem Mostert to injury (he’s been on short term IR twice this season), Jimmy G eventually, Deebo Samuel for weeks here and there, George Kittle same and lots of other players. I don’t really have the bandwidth to contemplate how many players they’ve lost. Despite that, they remain there, just always there with their incredible organizational structure and quality coaching that even with a 5-6 record keeps them in playoff contention. Yes, it would be Nick Mullins or CJ Beatheard or me starting for them in the playoffs if they made it, but just from a Super Bowl hangover standpoint, it would be a win just to make it to the playoffs. Assuming they reload and get healthy next year, they’ll be this year’s 2019-2020 Golden State Warriors before Klay went down, ready to compete in 2021. I just hope Jimmy G can finally be healthy enough to guide this team, I’m sorry I couldn’t do it, the Niners just need to lose. Jimmy G is about 30, not shown a whole lot, even with his performance last year against the Saints (it was magnificent. Kirk Cousins has those games too) it’s clear he’s not the answer. With such a strong organization, this team should be trying to lose and get a QB for next year. Can you imagine Zach Wilson in this offense? Trey Lance? It could be electric. With Jimmy G, it’s just a little too stale. I know pride matters, but maybe the team doc doesn’t clear Mostert next week and coach Kyle Shanahan does full analytics, trying to lose for the long term win.
The Rams aren’t having a wildly different year than last year, where they ended a 9-7 campaign that felt closer to 4-12. Last year showed us how schemed up Jared Goff really is and while seen as a failure shouldn’t be. Sean McVay managed to get that guy to keep it together in a raucous Superdome during the NFC Championship game, which should get him some sort of lifetime achievement award. With this first year sans Todd Gurley and Goff’s true self revealed, the expectations for this year were finally adjusted. Of course they have quite possibly one of the most dominant defensive players ever Aaron Donald and star corner Jalen Ramsey who take up a lot of attention for anyone properly paying attention to this team, but Jared Goff is literally on track to have the same, highly pedestrian stats he did a year ago. A somewhat weak schedule hasn’t hurt, but they also play in a highlighly competitive division, one that they’re still somehow 1-2 in after getting season swept by the lowly though feisty 49ers. Before that loss, they held the division lead after busting Russell Wilson’s MVP campaign a few weeks ago, making Russ look like, well, Jared Goff. They’re record of 7-4 still means a lot in this lowly NFC Wild Card race and with two games left against the increasingly desperate Cardinals, along with the Seahawks, they have every opportunity to take back this division along with some much needed dignity they’ve lacked since Brian Flores ate their lunch in what we called a Super Bowl two years ago. That Super Bowl was just gross, the drunken love child of a game, made from the Seahawks-Broncos Super Bowl in 2013 and that random 9-0 Jags win over the Bills in the first round of the playoffs a few years ago. The Rams are still dealing with that hangover, but somehow they’ve managed a respectable record with odds against them and are somehow still optimistic about their chances. Earlier this week McVay uncharacteristically put some blame for the embarrassing Niners loss on Goff; he may finally get some reprieve if Goff continues to play so poorly. It’s a deep QB draft, a second rounder wouldn’t hurt.
Kyler Murray is exactly what I thought he would be this year. A fantasy god who’s going to put up numbers close to Lamar Jackson’s last year as he threw for 36 TDs, rushed for like 7 along with around 1,200 yards on the ground. Kyler will probably hit 1,000 yards on the ground in the next few weeks, but where the Raven’s blew out that last ten games of their season, winning 12 in a row after starting 2-2, Kyler’s Cards are waning as the playoff race heats up. His Murray Magic gave us some incredible highlights, especially his duels with Russell Wilson, sure to be primetime tickets for us at night games for years to come. Either that or we’ll get more Bears games, it’s totally fine the Bears play as much as they do on national television. In this division, it’s really nice to have the Cards back after their Warner/Whisenhunt glory years, along with some decent showings from Bruce Arians and Carson Palmer. Murray makes this so much more fun a division with the Rams and 49ers playing boring football with below average QBs and Russell struggling to find his team’s offensive identity. The issues seem to be coaching related as the defensive struggled to find uses for Isaiah Simmons, even as every time I see him, he’s intercepting a ball while in coverage, sacking a quarterback and or making exquisitely athletic tackles on bubble screens. I feel like I could figure out how to get that guy more involved than he has been, though he’s coming on more in recent weeks. Coach Kliff Kingsbury also made some questionable decisions with regards to kicking and general game management. He’s got a little Andy Reid in him, the mad offensive genius who’s laboratory doesn’t give a care to things like play-clocks or 4th down conversion probability ratios. At 6-5, the Cards are very much still in contention for this division and have a softish schedule other than two clashes with the Rams. I will say, if they could properly figure out to employ Simmons, they could make things very difficult for Goff. Just saying. This team, whatever it does, will be remembered for the DeAndre Hopkins trade along with everyone being correct about Murray as he ignites excitement all over the league, despite the team boasting the worst uniforms in the NFL.
Finally, the Seahawks, high flyers who’ve gambled too much with the defensive identity of the team, leading to a comically bad defense that’s earned the title of “#1 defense to start your fantasy players against.” Seriously, third string running backs are viable against them and their incompetence. It’s hard to put a thumb on why they’re so bad, despite having some decent talent on the defensive side of the ball. Bobby Wagner and K.J. Wright aren’t getting younger and Jamal Adams hasn’t exactly helped out in coverage. It just seems like their defense tended toward riskier behavior as the team dispersed and is ultimately left with a ragtag group that’s not hitting on their bold play. Russell Wilson was the early MVP favorite, finally getting the recognition he deserves for his ridiculous performances but of course it couldn’t last and with a string of bad to mediocre games, while he tried to put the team on his back, he’s out of the race to beat Mahomes. Seattle still sits at 8-3, atop a competitive division and one they’ll need to fight like hell to maintain a lead over. When the playoffs start, I’m still scared of this very experienced team. The Saints still made the playoffs towards the middle of this past decade, even with blah seasons under Sean Payton and Drew Brees before blossoming into a perennial Super Bowl contender again. Seattle seems to be an Alvin Kamara and decent defense away from being able to take a firm grip over this division like the Saints have. It’s entirely probably given their offensive talent in D.K. Metcalf who’s really doing an incredible Calvin Johnson impersonation, along with Tyler Lockett, who’s amazing as well. I’m always going to be fond of this team for the simple fact of proving that a guy my height can be one of the best quarterbacks in the game, I just hope like so many before them, they don’t waste the talent of a generational player in his prime just to get by.
Bo's Gamut 