Boy did I make a great decision to choose the 4pm clash between the Bills and the Cardinals as my day game to watch. I have children so I usually have to pick a 1pm or 4pm game to watch. I knew there would be fireworks so imagine my disappointment with a relatively mundane outing through the first 4 and ¾ quarters with the Cards mostly running through the game, with some electric Kyler Murray runs sprinkled in. Josh Allen did his sasquatch bounce off thing with 300 pound linemen pinging off him as he scrambled though he still managed a couple of not great interceptions. It was a relatively dull game until about the last 2 minutes when Josh Allen put on his Brady boots and drove the team downfield. Cole Beasley made those of us shaped like him proud with a dazzling OBJ impression on the sideline to keep the drive alive which capped off with an Allen scramble and a special, ridiculous throw to Stefon Diggs on 2nd and 1 to ostensibly seal that game for the Bills with 34 seconds left for the Cards after kickoff to do something with, down by four points. I’m not a hopeful guy and in general I was happy with a Bills win, not really having a dog in the fight, just looking for a great game between two enigmatically exciting quarterbacks. I didn’t expect that Kyler would decide to win the NFL MVP award in this game, despite luck being an important actor in this play. With that 34 seconds, starting from their own 25 yards line, the Cards quickly gained 32 yards, stopping the clock on the last throw by Murray with 11 seconds left. In what’s being described as baseball play with scrambling and giant men trying to kill him, Kyler broke out of the pocket on the next play to the left side (he’s right handed) to avoid the pass rush and somehow contorted his body to launch a 30 yard dime to the waiting DeAndre Hopkins. Hopkins proceeded to hang his balls over the helmets of the Buffalo defenders and nab the Hail Mary with a giant fuck you to Bill O’Brien in the process. His oak tree fingers outstretched that of three smallish Buffalo corners, who inexplicably seemed to want to catch the ball despite having the lead. There wasn’t a scrum or a bobble, DeAndre just caught an incredibly accurate and weighted ball that while described as a Hail Mary, really just looked like two guys out there, knowing each other’s souls and where the other would be. Kyler didn’t even finish watching the play on the field, opting instead to watch it finish on the jumbotron. Ironically a giant moment on a giant screen orchestrated by the brilliance of a tiny man (I kid, Kyler, I’m your height but doughy). It’s in that moment, coupled with Russell Wilson’s messy diarrhea shit that he took against the Rams that I believe, we have our third second year MVP in a row. He’ll have the stats by year end and between this and the Seattle game earlier in the year, it seems like Kyler locked down the race. I wrote a few weeks ago about the Russ/Kyler duel and how deliciously delightful watching them made me feel. Today, Kyler took a giant step forward to the MVP award, while Russell probably relinquished his grasp. Sorry, Russ, I want it hard for you, but you can’t beat the narrative.
I’m always fascinated by the Defensive Player of the Year award. Usually in any given five year stretch, there’s one player who deserves the award every year, but more than any other award, voters tire of voting the same player each year. It’s some millennial trophy bullshit, only solved when a greatness can’t be denied by nerds. Most recently JJ Watt became only the second defensive player to win the award three times, thankfully tying Lawrence Taylor, the most dominant NFL defensive player ever (he won an NFL MVP). Hopefully, voters come to their senses and allow Aaron Donald to join them. If you haven’t seen Donald play or don’t pay attention, he’s the most destructive force in the middle that I’ve ever seen. He’s a short stubby amalgamation of everything we were told that Gerald McCoy and Ndamukong Suh would be and deserves to win the award every year until his play drops off.
Unfortunately, he’s not the only high quality defender so we have to do this charade and consider some other candidates. The betting favorite is TJ Watt, JJ’s little brother which would make a remarkable story, if TJ didn’t play on arguably the best defensive line in the NFL. To lend credence to this farce on TJ Watt’s candidacy, not that he’s isn’t incredible, THREE other Steelers including two other defensive lineman are in the top ten of odds to win the award. I know the team is good and TJ gets stats, but when the offensive line of opposing teams has to worry about two other candidates on the SAME line, I just don’t see what that dominance is supposed to tell me. Hell Minkah Fitzpatrick is the other Steeler and he probably has a better case than anyone on that line. Sorry TJ, but when you demolish such vaunted lines as the Broncos (their line blows), Houston (TJ usually rushes on the left side), Philly (My youngest fat uncle might get a call to play line for them this season), Tennessee (without Taylor Lewan and Jack Conklin), Dallas (Dak still inflates their sack stats with his escapability) and the Bengals (just watch them), I just don’t feel awesome about giving him the award. By the way, his advanced stats look great. So would mine playing with his teammates on that line.
Fortunately, Donald does have the second best odds closely at +270. Right behind him is the only reasonably worthy receiver instead of Donald in my mind, Myles Garrett. Garrett arguably disrupts offenses as much as Donald and like Donald, managing to produce stats regardless of the attention he gets. I’d still give Donald the edge, doing more with less athletic gifts than Garrett. I legitimately believe that the old trope of the perfect man presented to aliens applies here. Garrett is terrifying with his size and athleticism, not to mention that he’s a much better looking version of Adam Driver. All that said, Garrett plays on a consistently underrated line that includes other players, who quietly form a cohesive unit, supporting the superstar. I see you Larry Ogunjobi. That really helps him, because despite Donald’s dominance, he’s always been surrounded by at least talented players. Not to say that’s made a difference, he ate when good Robert Quinn lined up next to him and he still did with Dante Fowler, who just didn’t look like he was ever trying. Seriously, every sack that guy got seemed like luck. Back to Garrett; he leads the NFL in sacks and doesn’t pile them up against bad teams, performing quite well against teams like Indiannapolis and Pittsburgh. He did falter a little bit against the Raiders, but just like Chris Carmack in that episode of Smallville where he plays a linebacker, the Raiders paralyze and suck the energy out of anyone playing them. Fucking energy vampires. I’m just filling here because Garrett has the best case against Donald. I don’t know that a lot separates them, other than the fact that I think the DPOY is like a wrestling belt to me, it’s Donald’s until Garrett hands down plies it from his stubby little arms.
The other candidates that the oddsmakers have in the top ten are reasonable, however I just want to mention that the fifth best odds belong to Budda Baker. Yes that Budda Baker, the one that DK Metcalf mauled on the field a few weeks ago, creating one the great NFL memes of all time. An instant all time classic. The Cardinals defense is very meh and with the offensive talent, they’re often bailed out. I still can’t figure out why they have no idea what to do with Isaiah Simmons, the prototypical, modern linebacker. Either way I’m sorry, I don’t this is an award these days that safeties can win. With the game changing the way it has, safeties aren’t as important in the run game as they used to be when Bob Sanders single handedly turned the Colts entire defense like a key. With teams running nickel and dime as base sets, defensive backs are more important than ever, but so is versatility and if you’re not part of unit that consistently gets turnovers or full on stymies a passing attack, I just don’t think there’s room for the bawl hawking, Ed Reed safety to win DPOY. There are too many guys back there for a safety to stand out enough and it’s not like they’re covering the running receivers like Alvin Kamara or Dalvin Cook. All this to say to those who matter, maybe Garrett goes on a tear, but if not, let’s do that right and give this to Aaron Donald.
Unfortunately living in New England, the weather on Sunday night is all too familiar to me as a typical day anywhere from October through April. As a former Maryland resident, while not typical, plenty of winter days when coupled with rain, provide that complete depressive weather state where you wonder if the sky just gave up for the day to lay in bed and watch Netflix, leaving its wet, cold sorrow for us. That’s also how I felt on Sunday night, wet, cold sorrow as the Ravens fell to the Patriots in a game that I knew by halfway through the third quarter would probably end the way it did. It’s almost like a borderline college offense in year two wouldn’t stand up to the most brilliant defensive terminator robot fuck coach of all time. As Lamar noted last week, opponents might know their plays calls and unless Lamar goes super Saiyan, teams have mostly figured out his intentions on any given play. Couple that with the most underwhelming and least imaginatively skilled group of receivers in the league and you have a moment like Sunday where I had no doubt Lamar would fail in the second half. I will say for Lamar now with a 1-6 record after trailing at halftime that he does not have anyone to throw the ball to. Despite Hollywood Brown’s purported speed, he somehow can’t get separation enough to actually make plays on the ball. Mark Andrews has regressed and somehow doesn’t seem to fit at times on offense. When Lamar rolls out as the play breaks down, I can’t understand why Andrews isn’t open somewhere in the middle of the field. While many would slight Lamar and his inability to shake this bad comeback juju, his offensive talent isn’t doing him any favors. Against the Pats, I felt something I haven’t felt this season when Lamar’s played poorly like he did against the Chiefs. Lamar ranks pretty low on the scale of bad throws for QBs and ranks in the top third of QBs for drops. I felt like he was a quarterback trying to do too much with minimal offensive talent rather than failing on his own. I know we’re all worried about his quarterbacking skills in terms of reading defenses and being accurate, but I think it’s more a question of his running backs being just ok this season and his receivers struggling to get open, which has led to his relative increase in turnovers. He’s trying to do too much and the Raven’s inability to properly draft pass catching talent (Hayden Hurst looks good these days) is catching up with them. Look, Mahomes is incredible on his own, but having Tyreek Hill, Travis Kelce and Sammy Watkins doesn’t hurt. Willie Snead was catching (or trying to) important passes for the Ravens on Sunday. The Ravens need to go back to the drawing board with their offense and realize that Lamar can probably handle a bit more than the simpler reads they gave him last year, which he executed to perfection. Having a broken line doesn’t help and the loss of Nick Boyle will make a giant difference in the type of football they like to play. At 6-3 with plenty of season left, the Ravens have time, but it will take very acute adjustments to get this offense working properly again. I don’t think it involves simplifying things or getting “back to basics.” The offense was about as basic as it gets last year, run the fucking ball a lot out of a lot of different formations. We all believe in the reigning MVP and I think what I’m just trying to say is let Lamar cook. Either install something more complex that defenses will have to figure out or let him play backyard football, but this in-between bullshit isn’t working. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with JK Dobbins, he needs to be involved. I love how forward thinking this team is so I’m crossing my fingers that they re-discover some magic that made Lamar so incredible in the first place.
I’m going to be real honest, I didn’t watch a down of Drew Lock in college. When he was a relatively highly touted draft pick, one fact stuck in my mind. Missouri. Unfortunately this Big 12 castoff with a penchant for self-flatulence decided to join the SEC in some sort of S&M scenario to get spanked around each year. My years of college football viewing have taught me that certain schools just don’t produce good QBs; Missouri is one of them. I didn’t see it with Blaine Gabbert and never thought that guy would be good, then he got drafted by the Jaguars so that ended up exactly how I thought it would. I watched Gabbert in college and I still don’t get what the hubbub was with him. Now, young Drew Lock, in his second year after a meh showing last year, appears to be the latest Elway victim who apparently has no idea how to draft a QB. Maybe he should have held onto Tebow, because he’s the last Broncos QB they drafted to win a playoff game and boy was it awesome. Lock reminds me of a poor man’s Trubisky. He’s athletic, clearly as apparently all college QBs are now, able to scramble pretty well, but despite having I’ll say a glut of offensive talent, he just can’t get it done. His line isn’t awesome, but he’s got Melvin Gordon and Phil Lindsay in the running game, rookies KJ Hamler and Jerry Jeudy for receivers, Noah Fant at tight end and for a short time Courtland Sutton. God, imagine what Lamar would do being able to throw to a talent like Jeudy or the athletically superior Fant. Lock doesn’t seem to grasp decision making nor does he seem interested in connecting on downfield chances properly. He threw an absolute dog shit interception on Sunday against the Raiders as they pounded the Broncos. Lock is number one in bad throw percentage right now and last is on target percentage. Despite his numbers in college, I can see by the stats (again I didn’t watch him play) he wasn’t accurate. It’s a trope for a reason that inaccurate college QBs don’t get more accurate in the NFL. There’s no Chip Engelland in the NFL, except I guess whoever the outlier is in Buffalo that got Josh Allen to be more accurate. It’s fucking bizarre. Lock seems to struggle with reads and always makes poor decisions under duress. He’s why blitzing is a thing because any sort of pressure will induce bad decisions. All this to say, I have no idea why the Broncos are trying to win games. I guess they can try for Zach Wilson instead of Trevor Lawrence or Justin Fields, both of which would completely change the franchise trajectory. Maybe Wilson or Trey Lance could fall to them, either way, anything would be better than Lock at this point. Fortunately, they should be able to sleep at night because despite Lock’s draft status, it’s not like they traded up to number two to take a guy over Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson. Being a poor man’s Trubisky has its upside.
Bo's Gamut 